Niall's P.O.V.
~a couple of months later~
Today's the day. It all happened exactly one year ago. The fight. The heartbreak. and... the crash... That crash that cause her dea-
I still don't feel good when I try to say it. Whenever someone asks me about it and how I feel; I try to avoid saying that word. As if it was just a dream that never actually happened but it becomes true if I say it out loud.
I didn't go to Canada today. Mostly because SHE isn't in Canada. We decided that we wanted her to be in England. I didn't meet her very often, because it makes me too sad when I see her and get so emotional. So much reality stil wasn't good for me. I started to live in my own little, -nearly- perfect world.
Don't get me wrong! I'm not a psycho and I didn't start talking to myself. But the fact that she's not there anymore just won't get into my head. I can't believe it so I just do NOT believe it. As long as no one talks about her and makes me realize that she's gone; she's still here for me.
It's not that I see her in every person I see on the streets nor do I see ghosts, but I still imagine that she's on vacation for quite a long time and she'll come back. Just like you tell it young children, who's parents just got divorced. But then there's always someone who has to bring back reality. They want me to move on and forget about it. They actually just make it worse but they don't understand it; as well as I don't understand why forgetting would be better for me. It makes everything even worse for me.
I just want to keep living in my own perfect world but Liam always tells me that it's not good for me. He should talk! He, who's got a perfect relationship with the girl he loves and that loves him too. Everybody loves them, because they are so cute together. They tell them that they should get married as they are such a lovely couple. He's one of the people who can least imagine how I feel. As well as Louis and especially Harry.
Oh, how I wish my life would be like Harry's.
She and I would live together. We would wake up in each others arms every day. We would give each other a sweet, little kiss every now and then. We would look at the stars and try to count them till we get tired and fall asleep after a goodnight kiss. And most important; SHE would be pregnant with MY child, or children... who knows? Maybe Harry's girlfriend will have twins!?
She would be my girlfriend and I would be her boyfriend.
But maybe that wasn't supposed to happen...
Now there she is. Just the way I left her. The blue marble with those small, filigree flowers that surrounds her name. Her name and the short text I added are written in elegantly curved letters, as well as the dates of her birth and the day she left...
I can feel the paparazzi in my neck. The can't enter this place but they try to take the best pictures possible. It's ridiculous and pathetic how you can't have any privacy. Not even here.
I guess they try to get a picture of me crying. But I won't cry. I cried so much during the past few months. I realized that it's not worth it. Why would I cry? It's not going to bring her back and neither is it going to make anyone happier. Tomorrow there'll probably be an article about me in the newpapers, saying that I don't really care or that I'm cold. But they just don't know what actually happened.
<--- 2nd chap
4th chap --->
~a couple of months later~
Today's the day. It all happened exactly one year ago. The fight. The heartbreak. and... the crash... That crash that cause her dea-
I still don't feel good when I try to say it. Whenever someone asks me about it and how I feel; I try to avoid saying that word. As if it was just a dream that never actually happened but it becomes true if I say it out loud.
I didn't go to Canada today. Mostly because SHE isn't in Canada. We decided that we wanted her to be in England. I didn't meet her very often, because it makes me too sad when I see her and get so emotional. So much reality stil wasn't good for me. I started to live in my own little, -nearly- perfect world.
Don't get me wrong! I'm not a psycho and I didn't start talking to myself. But the fact that she's not there anymore just won't get into my head. I can't believe it so I just do NOT believe it. As long as no one talks about her and makes me realize that she's gone; she's still here for me.
It's not that I see her in every person I see on the streets nor do I see ghosts, but I still imagine that she's on vacation for quite a long time and she'll come back. Just like you tell it young children, who's parents just got divorced. But then there's always someone who has to bring back reality. They want me to move on and forget about it. They actually just make it worse but they don't understand it; as well as I don't understand why forgetting would be better for me. It makes everything even worse for me.
I just want to keep living in my own perfect world but Liam always tells me that it's not good for me. He should talk! He, who's got a perfect relationship with the girl he loves and that loves him too. Everybody loves them, because they are so cute together. They tell them that they should get married as they are such a lovely couple. He's one of the people who can least imagine how I feel. As well as Louis and especially Harry.
Oh, how I wish my life would be like Harry's.
She and I would live together. We would wake up in each others arms every day. We would give each other a sweet, little kiss every now and then. We would look at the stars and try to count them till we get tired and fall asleep after a goodnight kiss. And most important; SHE would be pregnant with MY child, or children... who knows? Maybe Harry's girlfriend will have twins!?
She would be my girlfriend and I would be her boyfriend.
But maybe that wasn't supposed to happen...
Now there she is. Just the way I left her. The blue marble with those small, filigree flowers that surrounds her name. Her name and the short text I added are written in elegantly curved letters, as well as the dates of her birth and the day she left...
I can feel the paparazzi in my neck. The can't enter this place but they try to take the best pictures possible. It's ridiculous and pathetic how you can't have any privacy. Not even here.
I guess they try to get a picture of me crying. But I won't cry. I cried so much during the past few months. I realized that it's not worth it. Why would I cry? It's not going to bring her back and neither is it going to make anyone happier. Tomorrow there'll probably be an article about me in the newpapers, saying that I don't really care or that I'm cold. But they just don't know what actually happened.
<--- 2nd chap
4th chap --->